 |
| Hallelujah! The chequered flag! |
Writes
title of race. Passes out with boredom.
Right,
I have now returned with a double expresso and two fondant fancies from the Mr Kipling box
I accidentally bought this morning. The Great British Bake Off Final – this is
ALL your fault! And seriously…who knew that fondant fancies were The Hardest Thing
to make on the planet. Obviously I have never tried but if the fantastically
talented John, James and Brendan struggled, what hope is there for the rest of
us! Actually there was only ever a Big Fat Zero of hope for me in the first place. So I
feel respect is due to Mr Kipling although I suspect the fragrant Mary and
the delectable Paul (yeh, we’re on first name terms now) might not agree with
me.
 |
| Never ever ever attempt to make these at home. |
It
would be so much more fun (for me anyway!) to blog about the glorious Great British Bake
Off Final but with a super-human effort I shall haul myself back to the
sensational and thrilling race at the Korea International Circuit in Yeongam.
Hash irony etc.
After
the 100% positive feedback that I received for my last race blog – ie. the one
person surveyed, the husband, said he liked its short and punchy style
(emphasis on short I feel but I’ll take whatever positives I can), I have
decided to adopt a similar approach for this blog. Also I cannot face having to
relive the whole race in its entirely. It might result in me eating the rest of
the fondant fancies and overdosing on coffee. And frankly, that dullfest of a
race doesn’t deserve ‘epic’ blog treatment and nor, lovely readers, do you!
So
without further ado, to recap, the top ten qualifiers were:
1.
Webber 2. Vettel
3.
Hamilton 4. Alonso
5.
Raikkonen 6. Massa
7.
Grosjean 8. Hulkenberg
9.
Rosberg 10. Schumacher
So
what went down in South Korea (aside from some not-at-all predictable
‘hilarious’ gangnam style rap dancing – see later):
1. Vettel
took the lead on turn 1 on the first lap and stayed in the lead for all 55 laps
for another mindnumbingly boring crushing victory. He has now won THREE
races in a row. He is now level with Jim Clark and Niki Lauda with 25 career
victories in the all-time list. But most importantly what this now means is Another Potential Turning Point in the
Title Race in that Vettel has now overtaken Alonso in the Championship race
and leads him by 6 points. On the one hand, I really want the title race to go
down to the wire but on the other hand, I fear that Vettel has the momentum,
the car and that Ferrari, even with the utterly brilliant Alonso inside, just
can’t keep up. Damn and blast. F1’s Evil Genius, Adrian Newey (was he the Dark
Lord in an earlier blog or was that Ron Dennis?) has clearly been hard at work.
 |
| One of the all-time greats, Jim Clark |
2. The
podium line-up was completed by Webber in 2nd and Alonso in 3rd.
I was amused to see Vettel’s comment that Mark was always on his toes. As. If.
Sebastian. Will be VERY interested to see how team orders are carried out at
Red Bull (that most sanctimonious of teams when it comes to opining on team
orders) as and when the need arises. Its safe to say that Alonso gets the
maximum possible out of that Ferrari although their 3rd/4th
finish at the South Korean GP mean that they leapfrog McLaren into second place
in the Constructors’ Championship. Quite stunning for a car that resembled a
tractor in the opening few races and where one half of the driver line-up is
Felipe Massa. Cruel I know.
3. McLaren’s
abysmal weekend: part 1. The Hero of Suzuka, Kobayashi crashed into Button and
Rosberg at the start who were having a good old drag race when Kamui kamikaze’d
(sorry, couldn’t resist) into them both, trashing Jenson’s suspension and
indeed his race. I bet Grosjean and Maldonaldo were thinking ‘yeeeeees, it’s someone else’s
turn for driver hate today’. It was a suicidal move – there have always been
risky, aggressive drivers in F1 but this season, there do seem to have been a
LOT of driver errors and First Lap Incidents. You wonder if the comparative
safety levels now in Formula 1 have made some of the younger drivers feel they
are almost untouchable. Dangerous mentality if that is the case.
 |
| Yet another First Lap Incident |
4. McLaren’s
abysmal weekend: part 2. From 3rd on the grid, Lewis Hamilton could
only finish in 10th place. Early on in the race, his car suffered a
rear anti-roll bar failure which meant his tyres were chewed up and fried at a
vastly accelerated rate. I thought Martin Whitmarsh showed real class in hailing Lewis’s drive as heroic. I imagine Ron Dennis is probably still chucking darts in a frenzied rage at his Lewis Hamilton dartboard on his Death Star. Lewis was the only driver to
make 3 pitstops and he still finished 10th despite driving with a
load of grass sticking out of his car for the final few laps. So credit where its
due to Lewis Hamilton or Lewis the Bull as the 5 year old now refers to him. Nope, me neither! He also came up with Jenson the Button and Michael the Shoe. He was enormously pleased with himself. Bless.
 |
| Kimi: too cool for F1 and life generally |
5. And
what of the 3rd placed man in the Championship. Mr Kimi-Matias Räikkönen! He finished in
5th place. What a fantastic season he is having! I would love, love,
love to see him in a Ferrari again (his spiritual home, surely!?) or a McLaren
or heck even just a Race Winning Lotus. I most of all want to see Kimi driving
an Adrian Newey designed car. Please, Bernie, make it happen! But if Kimi ever
gets bored of racing, an illustrious career in acting could await. This hot-off-the-press video
clip is pure GENIUS.
6. Presumably
someone at Lotus has ‘had a word’ with Grosjean as he had an exceptionally quiet
race. Just kept his head down, had a clean race and finished 7th. Good day in the office for the Hulk who
finished in a well-deserved 6th place after he executed a
beautifully judged move on Grosjean and Hamilton near the end.
7. And
South Korea was a happy points hunting ground for Toro Rosso who finished in 8th
and 9th respectively. And yet again, Mercedes were nowhere to be
seen (even in and around the distinctly average middle-pack of cars). Rosberg’s
race was terminated through no fault of his own and Schumacher finished 13th
after being literally passed by the world and its dog. I might need some
hypnosis after this season is over to block out any memory of Schuey in a
Mercedes.
 |
| Jean-Eric and Daniel just shooting the breeze |
8. My
new bookmarked port of call for all Narain news is the The Times of India website as he barely gets a mention elsewhere. But
even on there, all there is to report really is that he finished 20th.
In last place. Still next up, India. No pressure mate!
9. Did
anyone else wonder why the Beeb picked South Korea as a ‘live’ race? Clearly
the opportunity to meet the legendary Psy was just too irresistible for Jake,
Eddie and DC. For those of a weak disposition, LOOK AWAY NOW! Here are the boys in action – do not
say you weren’t warned (I called this back in Suzuka!!).
10. Johnny
Herbert did the podium interviews! Why? Does anyone know? Psy so should have
done the interviews and made the drivers do a gangnam dance. Just to wake us all up if nothing else!
So
that pretty much wraps up South Korea. Thank the Lord. Just time for a quick
update on driver news for 2013:
Massa
has signed a one year deal at Ferrari. His EIGHTH season at Ferrari. Who’d have
thought hey? Certainly not 99% of F1 fans. Just as we were all getting excited
about the significance of a ONE year deal as being code for ‘Vettel moving to
Ferrari in 2014’, that old kill-joy Luca di Montezemolo said he doesn’t want ‘too
many roosters in the same henhouse’ at Ferrari. It would be carnage, pistols at
dawn etc. Luca, you are no fun.
 |
| Maranello in 2014? |
Its
looking very likely that the Hulk will be on his way to Sauber next season and
possibly will be partnered by Esteban Gutiérrez
(what an awesome name – he sounds like a Mexican drug-dealer!). This sort of
means Kamui is out on his ear and that Di Resta might be staying at Force India
after all. Poor Paul, he’s probably still in denial waiting for the call from
Maranello. Maybe in 2014?! Snigger.
And
so just 4 races to go. Definitely getting into Squeaky Bum Territory. Next
stop is India which for some inexplicable reason is a country the 5 year old has
a strange affinity with so he is very excited! I just looked up who won the
inaugural race there last year who shall remain Nameless. Clue: he is German and wins a lot and isn't Michael Schumacher. Obviously. Lets hope Grosjean qualifies high up the grid
and causes some mayhem for all our sakes!
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