Monaco GP – The Race

Nico Rosberg, Monaco GP winner of 2013

17.30: Arrive back from Africa Alive (deceptively located in Norfolk...who knew?).

17.35: Coverage of the Monaco Grand Prix starts on the BBC.

There had been some fast driving to make this deadline (insert our car-doesn't-have-Pirellis-bashing joke here à la Mr Vettel). The most sensational race may have taken place in Monaco earlier on. Full of crashes, breathtaking overtaking moves (ok this is unlikely) and controversy. Or it could just have been a processional Mercedes 1-2 victory (actually this is even more unlikely). And as at 17.35, I genuinely haven’t a clue how it all plays out. I have spent the day in a Twitter vacuum (yes it was unbearably hard). So on with the BBC extended highlights coverage. While they recap qualifying, I’m going to nail my colours to the mast and call the winner. I’m going for Vettel and the husband is going for Rosberg.

Keke Rosberg, on his way to winning the Monaco GP in 1983.

Its 30 years since Keke Rosberg won the Monaco Grand Prix. It would be a nice symmetry if Nico was to win today not least for the husband who often gets confused and calls Nico ‘Keke’. But what is this we’re hearing? Apparently Mercedes have done a spot of secret testing in Barcelona with Pirelli last week. Ferrari is not happy. Red Bull is not happy (but they never are unless they are grinding the opposition into the ground). All sorts of clarifications (kiss goodbye to your weekend lawyers) have been requested.

Only in Monaco!

Time for some pre-race insights from Gary Anderson. We could either have 1 or 2 or 3 stops. Okay that narrows it down. If a driver gets as far as lap 30 without having pitted, then they could be looking at a one-stopper. It being Monaco and all that, we have more Random Celebrities at a Race than you can shake a stick at. Stellar A-listers such as Ron Howard, Cameron Diaz, Leonardo DiCaprio, Andre Villas-Boas, the 5 year old’s personal hero the music legend that is Psy  and the one and only Hoff. And of course not forgetting Jezza Clarkson. Needless to say we didn’t see the Beeb get anywhere close to interviewing most of these people. Still lets just thank the Lord we weren’t afflicted with the musings of Geri Halliwell.

The lovely Cameron. Unlike many A-listers she can actually drive.

Its Go Go Go! And all the front runners got away cleanly but Vettel was already all over Lewis Hamilton. Don’t know why but I had a big feeling at this early point there would be accidents in this race.

And they're off

And Maldonado limped into the pits with front wing damage on lap 2. And in a not unrelated coincidence, Giedo needed a new nose after (as it turned out) banging into the back of Maldonado going into the Loews hairpin.

The McLaren Feud was up and running already with Button freaking out over the radio that Perez is turning in on him and cutting chicanes. Interestingly Hamilton and Button’s seasons are starting to mirror each other’s, both being outshone in recent races by team-mates and both really getting pretty narked about it.

And holy maloney we had an Actual Car On Fire. It’s Pic’s Caterham which was rather inconveniently parked at the entrance to the pits. Meanwhile Maldonado was setting a string of fastest laps. Sometimes I wish you could have a joker Grand Prix where drivers pull a random card to say which car they will drive at a race. This might be the greatest idea I have ever had! A word of praise for Maldonado (as I’m sure he avidly reads this blog), we see a lot more of Good Driver Maldonaldo than Bad Driver Maldonaldo this season. Remember when he was the Enfant Terrible of F1? Now Grosjean fulfils that role all by himself (see below).

Monaco. No Instagram photoshopping required!

Whoops and apparently we were already up to lap 23. What did I miss? Turns out nothing. Monaco is a stunning visual experience but just occasionally it would be nice to see someone overtake someone else.

A micro frisson of excitement as Webber came into the pits on lap 26. And then just to spite me, Di Resta actually overtook Massa on track. Its all going a bit Pete Tong for Ferrari this weekend isn’t it. Kimi then pitted on lap 27 much to everyone’s surprise. Could he really make it all the way to the end of the race without stopping again. Alonso pitted on lap 29 and rejoined just behind Kimi in 9^th place.

Poor Felipe. The weekend from hell.

And then Massa had a HUGE crash at Ste Devote. Almost exactly the same as his big shunt in practice. And a welcome appearance for the Safety Car who we have seen far too little of this season. Gary Anderson thought this was bad news for Mercedes for reasons I could not fathom (surely it was a free pitstop?). Rosberg pitted and retook the lead. Hamilton pitted and rejoined in 4^th. I predict tears.

A welcome cameo for the Safety Car.

The Safety Car was brought in on lap 38 and Rosberg kept the chasing pack behind him. There was an almost brilliant move by Hamilton on the inside of Webber at Rascasse. Brilliant driving by both to avoid tangling and Webber just clung onto his position. But still: amazing. Applauds Lewis for having the cajones to even think of overtaking there.

There was a bit of wheel-banging contact between Button and Alonso, and then Perez had the audacity to take Button. Ben Edwards said what we were all thinking – Button isn’t going to like that. I'm starting to wonder whether Nigel Mansell hasn't been reincarnated as Sergio Perez!

Maldonado's race ended prematurely. And it wasn't even his fault.

We had another horrific accident as Chilton crashed into the back of Maldonado and then Bianchi ploughed into the wreckage. And the race was RED-FLAGGED as the track was cleared of debris. And so another restart. Not what Rosberg needed at all. Alonso was ordered to give up a place to Perez for cutting the chicane? But didn’t Perez cut a chicane earlier? Confused.

Running order with 25 laps to go: Rosberg, Vettel, Webber, Hamilton, Kimi, Perez and Alonso.

Would you mess with this man? Sergio Perez what were you thinking?

There was then a spell of crazy, audacious, suicidal (delete as appropriate) driving from Perez where he pretty much kept forcing Kimi to cut the chicane going into the Swimming Pool Complex. Possibly in the hope that Kimi would be forced to surrender a place? *Innocent face* as Sally would say.

Sutil had a storming race! Fernando who?

On lap 57, Sutil put an exquisite move on Alonso around the Loews Hairpin. Is this the race where the title race starts slipping away from Alonso. Such a long way to go but I would really have expected him to be much more in the mix and not getting out-muscled by Perez and Sutil.

Romain Grosjean's car. I think we all knew it would end this way.

And the crashes kept coming thick and fast. First Bianchi went off all by himself. Then Grosjean went into the back of Ricciardo quite spectacularly. As Coulthard drily (and Coulthard does a mean line in dry remarks) noted ‘speed is not enough’. Did RoGro have one of those fabled lapses of concentration. His F1 career must be in last chance saloon. Actually isn’t it there already? And YET another skirmish between Kimi and Perez. We saw carbon fibre flying off the Lotus and Kimi was forced into the pits with a slow puncture. Perez had also sustained damage and wildly veered off a couple of laps later almost crashing into Button in the process. I’m guessing a few drivers might want a word in Perez’s shell-like after the race. Please form an orderly queue behind Kimi.

Three laps to go and Nico was hanging on for his first Monaco win? I’m guessing the Tifosi Faithful were probably not best pleased to see a Toro Rosso scrapping like mad with Alonso for 7^th place.

Good old Seb. He loves to make a point!

In a controversial little twist, Vettel put in a blinding lap at the death which was 2 seconds faster than anything he had done all race. Obviously making the point that if he didn’t have to manage the tyres constantly, he could drive so much faster. Red Bull was quickly on the radio to remind Seb that he knows the score and not to take any risks. Vettel’s response “its just for satisfaction”.

And the chequered flag fell with Nico Rosberg winning the Monaco Grand Prix of 2013. After his appalling run of luck for this season, that is a hugely deserved win for one of the nicest guys in F1.

Nico "now you guys play nicely ok"

Here are the results from the Monaco Grand Prix 2013:

1. Rosberg – A supremely cool and masterful drive. Kudos to the husband for calling it right with the result. Although he probably thought it was Keke!


2. Vettel – Also a winner today looking at where his nearest title rivals finished.


3. Webber – Credit where its due, Webber always pulls it out of the bag at Monaco.


4. Hamilton – In public: so happy for Nico and for the team yadda. In private: gutted.


5. Sutil – What a fantastic result for the comeback kid.


6. Button – All in all, Jenson will be pretty happy with his day's work.

And INCREDIBLY Kimi recovered to take 10^th place to keep alive his quest to take the record for the longest run of consecutive points finishes. Perhaps the greatest montage of the race was when we saw footage of Kimi’s overtaking manoeuvres at the end of the race to seal that 10^th spot. Proof indeed that it is possible at Monaco. And in breaking news, I see that Kimi thinks Sergio Perez should be punched in the face for his antics in the race. Another member of the Perez Fanclub bites the dust!

Jackie Stewart will have loved this helmet. Nice one, Vergne.

Well folks that was Monaco. A hedonistic feast of movie stars, super yachts,  evocative helmets (alongside Kimi’s, I loved Jean-Eric Vergne’s tribute to Francois Cevert), absolute havoc on track and the first time a son of a Monaco Grand Prix winner has won the race (although Damon came very close in Monaco 1996 - a race which shattered my heart into a million pieces).

Keke and Nico Rosberg

Next up it’s the Canadian Grand Prix. Love love love that race! Its hard to follow Monaco but Montreal seems to have it sussed!

Monaco GP - Qualifying

And its a hat-trick of poles for Nico Rosberg!

One day I’m going to tell the story of when the husband and me went to the Monaco Grand Prix. Obviously a good time for such a blog post would have been in the build up to the Monaco Grand Prix but the immense logistical operation that was relocating the Power Family to the far-flung and exotic climes of Norfolk rendered any blogging totally beyond me until today.

Suffice to say (by way of spoilers) it involved:

• A through the night coach trip from Victoria to the South of France a whole bunch of other petrolheads. And slightly alienating other petrolheads in said drive down through France by spotting Audis and French lorries and randomly saying phrases like “vorsprung durch technik my friend” and “norbert dentressangle my friend” (there may have been wine).


• Having arrived late for our coach picking us up from qualifying bedecked in Ferrari gear, I started ranting quite loudly how annoying it was that Coulhard had got pole before the husband whispered in my ear that half the coach (sitting behind me) were draped in Scottish flags. Awkward.


• Drinking in a bar post-race with Jim Rosenthal and the ITV F1 team (alas no Murray Walker).


• Merrily (literally) wandering into the pitlane (not sure to this day it was allowed) and almost tripping over Schumacher’s car. Check out the truly cringeworthy (but I secretly love it!) photo of me posing in front of the race-winning car.


• Continuing on our merry way and my suggested shortcut took us into a cordoned off area (I had a lot of chutzpah when I was younger!) where Prince Albert and entourage suddenly drove up and swept into some VIP function.

Me standing by Schuey's car (yes, I was a lot younger then).

Imagine my delight when I discovered earlier that (1) the BBC was not showing qualifying or the race live (no Sky in our cottage) and (2) all internet attempts to watch streaming totally and utterly failed, probably because I’m a total techno-idiot but sometimes you just have to know when to give up and move on.

And so here I am watching the BBC’s qualifying highlights. Lots (but not enough!) footage of yesteryear drivers talking about driving around Monaco to the slightly odd backdrop music of Oasis’ Rock and Roll Star. Surely Daft Punk would have been more appropriate? I could consider this at length but will resist the urge and keep focused! And so for the first time in a very long time, I am watching the Beeb’s qualifying coverage. I am truly dumbfounded that the BBC is not covering Monaco live. I mean of all freaking races. Monaco? Because everyone knows that Monaco is traditionally the best qualifying session of the year. Epic Fail.

Before Senna and Schumacher, Graham Hill was the original Mr Monaco!

Still we are on holiday – huzzah – and mustn’t complain so lets be having you Monaco with your crazy, intense unpredictable racing. And…drum roll…we have an Umbrella Alert. It is raining in Monaco. It might actually be worse weather than in Norfolk. Although Monaco or Norfolk? Quite.

News from the morning first: Its been a lively old FP3 session with several bad smashes including Grosjean and Massa. Actually quite enjoying the insights of Eddie Jordan such as observing that Grosjean seems to get distracted easily (and basically crash) and the tremendous advantages that Massa has driving for a giant team like Ferrari who can throw huge manpower and resources at fixing a totally trashed car (*update – there are some cars that even Ferrari can’t fix in time).

And we have a Kimi feature. In Kimi’s spare time he likes to go rally-driving and race snow-mobiles under the pseudonym of James Hunt. He is properly bonkers but I totally love him. Oooooh Suzi is asking Kimi about his fascination with James Hunt. Apparently he just loves that era as there was less money involved and everything was a lot more relaxed. Thank god we have Kimi racing now otherwise we’d have a grid line-up of twenty two Vettel-bots. Shudder.

Kimi on the Hunt

And time for Q1 and it was raining lightly. I’m not sure I can remember a wet qualifying in Monaco. Just checked and even the husband can’t. History books, prepare to re-write yourselves! Ooops Jules Bianchi had a mechanical failure almost right away despite ‘living down the road in Nice’. Does that make a difference?

Alonso went fastest just as we were told his last pole position was in the wet. If I didn’t know what was going to happen, I would have been fancying Alonso (oh not in that way…stop it!). Then Maldonado went fastest. I would dearly love Williams to have a good weekend after their dismal season so far. And the times were just tumbling down as different names topped the timesheets. With 5 minutes to go, Rosberg went top while Hamilton was precariously poised in 17^th place. And we were (but of course) following Hamilton on his flying lap and he were fastest by a second. And oh my good Lord somebody put the safety car on standby. Grosjean was out on track. But it was all over for Massa who we learned would not take part in qualifying today.

And would you frigging believe it, Grosjean then went fastest. When he doesn’t have lapses of concentration, he is a real prospect.

The session ended with Maldonado, Vergne, Alonso on top. And hilariously (oh I’m so mean) Paul Di Resta went out in Q1. The commentors went into meltdown but honestly dudes no one gives a monkey’s. And being the jerk charming chap he is, naturally Paul was quick to stick the boot in. Paul would do well to observe that great drivers like Senna and Schuey stood by their teams through good times and bad times.

So out of Q1 go: 17) Paul di Resta 18) Charles Pic 19) Esteban Gutierrez 20) Max Chilton 21) Jules Bianchi 22) Felipe Massa. This means that Giedo van der Garde made it into Q2. Giedo you da man! Just deliriously happy for him.

Giedo impressing at the ultimate drivers' circuit.

Swiftly into Q2. And quite remarkably, both McLarens were 1 and 2 at one stage before getting immediately squidged down (it’s a technical term!) by the two Mercedes. And Stop Press we were told blue skies had been sighted out at sea.  Literally anyone who crossed the line from this point on topped the times. Both Mercedes were switching onto supersofts and Ferrari immediately scrapped Alonso’s flying lap to bring him in to make the same tyre change.

With 2 minutes to go, Giedo went SIXTH in the Caterham. In a supreme Murray Walker-balls moment, the commentators said ‘imagine if there was an accident now and it wasn’t possible to squeeze in another lap’. Its fair to say Giedo might have been dreaming of the same. Literally at the death, Hamilton, Kimi and Alonso were in the dropzone. And there was a nerve-shredding, fast and furious final minute coming up. With a nanosecond remaining, Alonso, Sutil and Button all just made it. It was a truly stupendous Q2 session.

The dizzying blur of Q2

And ending up in the dropzone of doom were: 11) Hulkenberg 12) Ricciardo 13) Grosjean 14) Bottas 15) Van der Garde 16) Maldonado.

Having barely recovered from Q2, we were thrown headlong into Q3. Is Kimi wearing the utterly awesome James Hunt helmet that Bernie tried to block? I need to know this crucial information instead of having to listen to tedious Paul Di Resta interviews where he just slags his team off all the time.

And unlike a lot of qualifying sessions we have seen this year, all the drivers were out and hammering around the impossibly narrow and impossibly glamorous streets of downtown Monaco right from the get-go in Q3. Five minutes to go and the order was Vettel, Webber, Rosberg, Hamilton and Alonso. Just about the worst thing we could have at Monaco would be a Red Bull front row lock-out.

Vettel. So close but no cigar.

Alonso had his lap compromised after coming up behind Button and had to pull back to gain space. Not what Ferrari wanted at all. And now Kimi went 3^rd. Webber took provisional pole as the clock timed down to 0.00, and then Hamilton took provisional pole and THEN Rosberg went EVEN faster. Could anyone else improve on his time? The answer was a resounding NO and Rosberg took his THIRD pole position in a row. Sorry that’s a lot of capitals! And they line up behind him like this tomorrow:

1. Rosberg


2. Hamilton


3. Vettel


4. Webber


5. Kimi


6. Alonso


7. Perez


8. Sutil


9. Button


10. Vergne

Of all the podiums in all the world that Mercedes would have wanted to get, it would be Monaco. Not just because it is Monaco but this track gives them the very best possible chance of converting a pole into a win.

Was it just me or did Lewis look a little disconsolate when being interviewed. Yes he’s on the front row but he must be feeling the pain of being out-qualified continuously by his team-mate. A lot of people thought he would own Rosberg, including I suspect, Lewis Hamilton himself. Nico’s star is shining brightly this season. Lets hope Mercedes don’t let him down tomorrow.

Is it wrong to want to napalm all these people if they can't tell you how many times Senna won in Monaco!?

I feel wrecked after watching that. It was a full-on, feisty and flat-out qualifying from beginning to end. Nowhere does qualifying quite like Monaco. It fries your mind. And we still have all the insanity of the race still to come. And just for the husband here is the place where you proposed in a mad moment all those years ago (it wasn't during a race...!).

La Rascasse

Time for bubbles dahlings. When in Monaco (hey I’m there in spirit!) and all that…

Spanish GP – The Race

The King of Spain

Barcelona. Stunning city. But generally throws up a total borefest of a race. The Circuit de Catalunya doesn’t do overtaking or drama but if you’re fond of uneventful, processional races, then Barcelona will float your boat. For some inexplicable season, this track has been on the F1 calendar since 1991. Probably because everyone likes coming to Barcelona for a big party after the tedious long haul schleps to Shanghai and Sakhir (lets face they wouldn’t appear in too many top 10 places to visit before you die).

In the 22 races we’ve had in Barcelona, the winner has started from pole 18 times. Another 3 drivers have won from P2 on the grid meaning the only person who has won not starting from the front row is (but of course) the Great Michael Schumacher™ with a truly magnificent drive in torrential rain in 1996*. God I loved that season.

*(edit: before yesterday that is)

The Rainmeister, Barcelona 1996

It is hardly a spoiler of epic proportions to reveal that the winner did not come from the front two yesterday, given it was the two Mercedes who secured a front row lock out. So that means that the most predictable race on the calendar must have been a bit more feisty and interesting than normal? This is a good thing, no? Actually turns out the answer is no. Everyone (except for Ferrari and Kimi who doesn’t give a stuff) is slagging off the race to high heavens. In a variant of the usual Villain of F1 being a highly successful German driver, it is now apparently Pirelli who is Satan Incarnate.

Yesterday, we had a mind-blowing 82 pitstops. No safety cars involved. No wet weather. Just hundreds of tyres that degrade just by looking at them. Its pretty hard to think how to blog about this race without literally just listing who pitted on what lap. Pirelli would say its what they have been told to do (really though – was their brief to make tyres that start degrading after 4 laps?) but something needs to be done as literally you need a degree in astro-physics to be able to follow a Grand Prix these days. I don’t often agree with him but Paul Di Resta spoke for many when he asked from the cockpit “can anyone tell me what’s going on?”.

Tyres as ordered by the FIA

Anyway we kicked off with #MartinsGridWalk and Martin told us there was a carnival atmosphere at the track. Previously Martin has talked of the electric atmosphere at Shanghai so I take some of his enthusiasm with a pinch of salt. First up to be interviewed was The Nicest Racing Driver Of All Time, Rubens Barrichello. Or Rubinho, as the husband and me tend to call him ever since his two biggest fans in the whole world gatecrashed our dinner for two in Monaco (hey we knew how to live once) and proceeded to tell us how much they loved Rubinho (ad infinitum). Anyway lovely Rubinho now does a #RubensGridwalk (doesn’t everyone these days) which he said he found much more nerve-wracking than driving.

#RubensGridwalk

Martin then spoke to the man who runs Bernie’s bus and plays backgammon with Bernie. He was a man of few words (at least in front of a camera playing to millions of people) so that was a waste of time. Then Martin chatted to Paul Hembury from Pirelli who told us authoratively that it would be a 3 stop race. Sure about that, Paul?

To be honest it was the most boring gridwalk ever – none of the drivers wanted to be interviewed and we had to make do with Sebastien Loeb who I’m sure is very nice and all that but not really going to give us a great insight into F1. Still the next gridwalk will be in Monaco when A-listers will be sashaying down the grid and we get to see Martin interview a girlband he has never heard of. Oh and if we’re really unlucky, Geri Halliwell will be there too.

Geri effortlessly blending in with the petrolhead set

So the top ten lined up as follows:

1. Rosberg


2. Hamilton


3. Vettel


4. Raikkonen


5. Alonso


6. Grosjean


7. Webber


8. Perez


9. Massa (bumped down 3 places after qualifying)


10. Di Resta

Notable mention for Giedo van der Garde starting in the exalted position of 18^th place. Perhaps he is not the new Narain after all.

Time For the Start and Go Go Go...! Vettel muscled his way past Hamilton who locked up suddenly into 2^nd place and Alonso had a breathtaking start, not lifting off at all to force his way past Kimi and then Hamilton to move into 3^rd place. Rosberg got off the line well and maintained his lead ahead of the chasing pack. We knew it was only a matter of time but even I didn’t expect Nico to get a warning about preserving his tyres on lap 3. Next time round, I’m going to do a sweepstake as to what lap Mercedes will issue their first tyre warnings. Gallows humour yadda.

Button in an astonishingly awful 17^th place reported he couldn’t get any heat into his tyres and Hamilton was experiencing brake issues. He had now caused a little traffic jam of Kimi and Massa to build up behind him and on lap 7, Kimi finally got past the struggling Mercedes and then started driving kamikaze style, ie. sideways around the corners. You can bank on Kimi at least to make Barcelona more interesting.

Massa made his move on Hamilton on lap 8 and then came into the pits the following lap along with Sutil and the Hulk. Grosjean limped into the pits having suffering a dramatic suspension failure and all the front runners started to pit from lap 10. The front two of Rosberg and Vettel exited the pits into the path of a surging Fernando Alonso who forced his way between them and began putting immense pressure on the race leader which still (incredibly at lap 13) was Nico Rosberg.

Nico battling very hard to keep position.

Alas for poor Nico, in the space of 3 laps, he was helpless to prevent Alonso, Vettel, Massa and Kimi passing him. Meanwhile slumming it further down the pack we saw Ricciardo pass Hamilton. Somehow its more embarrassing to see a team clinch pole position and just collapse in Every Single Race. At least when cars qualify in the relative ignominy of 14^th their total absence of race pace isn’t a surprise.

There was a change of underpants moment for Giedo van der Garde when he hysterically informed his team that he felt the wheels were going to come off his car. Literally. On lap 23, poor Giedo steered his 3 legged and ever so slightly lopsided car into the pits and it was race over.

Ooops, there goes Giedo's wheel.

Meanwhile there was barely a cigarette paper’s length between Vettel and Kimi but before we could work ourselves up into a frenzy (and the husband was starting to), Vettel naturally had to pit on lap 25 as did Kimi two laps later. Next up to pass Hamilton’s Mercedes was the Williams of Pastor Maldonado. And did Lewis not like that very much. As he pointed out to the team “I have just been overtaken by a Williams”. To be honest I’m way more distressed to think that Williams are now regarded as total shambles than I am at Lewis’s plight. To think Maldonado won this race last year. Claire Williams has one big job on her hands.

Anyhow it made for one of the more interesting vignettes of the race as Lewis re-took Maldonado. Cue an amusing aside from Brundle who said Maldonado should complain he has just been overtaken by a Mercedes. Then Lewis on being told to look after his tyres blurted out “I can’t drive any slower”. It’s a fair point.

A lot can change in 12 months

Halfway in the Spanish GP with Alonso leading, the chasing two of Vettel and Kimi were having a fierce battle for 2^nd place. Eventually Kimi passed Vettel in a sweeping move and almost immediately he opened up a huge gap to the Red Bull. It gives us all hope for the season ahead.

Both Ferrari’s pitted again on lap 36 for the third time just after A Moment in the pitlane where Hulkenberg had been released into the path of Vergne. That is what they call an Unsafe Release. Off to the naughty step for the Hulk. Then further catastrophe for poor Vergne. His tyre delaminated into a zillion pieces and he hauled his car into the pits before rejoining stone last.

On lap 39, Alonso passed Kimi for the lead and with one stop each to go but with Alonso on much fresher tyres, the race was slipping away from Kimi. On lap 45, Kimi pitted for the final time and came out behind the leading Ferrari’s in 3^rd place.

If I may just quote my notes from this point in the race verbatim, they now say “Pretty boring phase. Everyone bored”.

One of Ferrari's 8 pitstops of the race

On lap 50, Alonso (with a commanding lead) pitted and rejoined quite comfortably in the lead. Massa with a much smaller cushion over Kimi, pitted two laps later and slotted back in 3^rd place as expected. Meanwhile Jenson Button driving the worst McLaren we have seen for a very long time overtook Hamilton for 10^th place. I’m going to guess it wasn’t party central in the Mercedes garage later.

With the leading pack all sorted out and no real prospect of changing, there were a couple of interesting little battles unfolding between Rosberg desperately trying to cling onto 6^th place and seeing the unwelcome sight of Paul Di Resta bearing down on his exhaust with ten laps to go. Also Perez was rapidly closing in on Jenson Button who you may remember threw all his toys out of the pram after his team-mate’s antics in the previous race. And on lap 62, a not-at-all-coded-message from Checo’s race engineer “we can't afford to damage the tyres too much trying to get past Jenson.” Those pesky tyres sure come in handy sometimes.

"Really its cool. It was just tyres. Of course we don't have team orders here do we Jenson?"

And finally after 82 pitstops, the chequered flag fell and to the relief of many, the race came to an end.

Here are the results from the Spanish Grand Prix 2013:

1. Alonso – A masterclass of controlled brilliance to romp home victorious in his home race and put himself back in the title frame.


2. Raikkonen – Yet another podium for Mr Consistency to continue his superb run of form. That’s 22 straight points finishes now.


3. Massa – He is driving so much better this season and Ferrari will be delighted he took points off Vettel.


4. Vettel – A moderately lacklustre outing for Vettel who saw his lead in the championship cut to 4 points.


5. Webber – Who knew he was running that high? Or even running at all. Certainly not me though I may have dozed off a few times.


6. Nico Rosberg – Nothing short of Herculean to finish that high (Lewis Hamilton went from front row to 12^th place).

So what did we all really think of the race?

Now clearly 82 pitstops is just ridiculous. When all the drivers (bar Kimi) doing 4 stops a race, it inevitably disrupts the natural flow of things. We don’t get to see drivers tussling for position or the thrill of the chase as much as one or other driver will have to pull off into the pits every few laps. Tyre preservation has always been important in F1 but the degree to which it is dominating is ridiculous – drivers at the pinnacle of motorsport shouldn’t be complaining that they are having to drive too slow.

Do the tyres make much difference? Podium looks pretty reasonable to me.

BUT (there’s always a but), you can argue the cream does usually rise to the top. A podium of Alonso (the most complete driver and IMHO the finest driver currently in F1), Kimi (arguably the most naturally talented driver in F1) and Massa (who came within a whisker of the title a few years back and is reborn this season) looked like a fair reflection of the drivers’ abilities and their respective cars. As did the top 6. One of the skills of a truly great driver is to adapt to changing conditions and find a way to drive a bit smarter. In many ways Pirelli has made races more exciting by bunching the cars much closer together. Back in the pre-DRS and pre-Pirelli era, we had a LOT of one-stop processional races and F1 got serious amounts of flak. Remember the unbridled excitement of overtaking in the pitlane anyone?

Its Monaco baby.

But I’ve waffled on enough. Next time it is Monaco (SCREAM!!!) where the rule-book and form guide can be thrown into the bin as there is no track like it on earth.

Kimi for the win.

Spanish GP - Preview

The F1 roadshow hits Europe

Dear people who run F1 – please can you fix it (ooops is that now un-PC?) for the F1 calendar not to have a THREE WEEK break after only 2 races and then another THREE WEEK freaking break after the next 2 races. I desperately need a new F1 race in my life like now to help blot out the True Unmitigated Horror that is the (non) House Move from Hell*. I also think its quite important for Barcelona to come round so I can prove to the 5 year old that Sebastian Vettel isn’t really half-Darth Vader and nor is any other driver half-Darth Vader either. In all fairness, he sees this as an entirely positive thing but I’m not sure its very healthy in the long run. Under immense pressure (as it was by far THE most £££ option we considered) I have relented and booked a go-kart party for his 6^th birthday. I am ever so slightly nervous at just how competitive he will be on the day. Insert car crash joke here.

*re (non) House Move from Hell – looks like we’re now moving in June. Note to husband: your first job will be to ensure we have Sky F1 in time for the British Grand Prix.

But I digress. Aside from the frenzied round-the-clock work on upgrades and developments which we can expect to see unveiled at Barcelona this weekend, what else has been going on?

F1 is a dog eat dog world (well hopefully not literally)

I appear to have been deluged with a plethora of interviews with Lewis Hamilton. This is not necessarily a good thing. I feel quite indebted to McLaren for their control-freak ways in sparing us all these endless pontifications from Lewis over the years. Joyously his dog is in Barcelona for the race weekend. This won’t be mentioned at all (like several hundred times) during the build-up to the race.

So moving on quickly, James Allison, Technical Director at Lotus, is leaving and is currently on gardening leave (and is a no-show at Barcelona). His likely destination is Ferrari where he worked for 5 years back in the Golden Schumacher Age of 2000-2004. Lotus have announced a replacement in Nick Chester but the loss of Allison is a big blow.

The hottest signing in F1 (on more than one level)

And possibly EVEN WORSE for Lotus fans (who count their husband among their number), rumours are gathering apace that Kimi Raikkonen could be moving to Red Bull next season. Mark Webber is due to meet Dietrich Mateschitz next month for contract negotiations and I think we can predict how that one is going to go. Ba-ba-ba-byeeeee Mark. So Kimi and Seb in the same team. Good luck with that one Christian! Mind you as long as they don’t want to kill each other that’ll be an improvement on the current driver line up. Helpfully Lauda waded into the rumour-mill cesspit by saying “If I was Red Bull and wanted to change something with the drivers, then I would definitely go for Kimi.” This will further shatter the husband’s fragile nerves. The poor husband is already on Suicide Watch following the departure of Sir Alex Ferguson. These are indeed Anxious Times in Power Towers.

Farewell to a legend

So here’s what I’m looking forward to seeing this weekend:

1. Upgrades – One thing’s for sure, Spain will see the biggest upgrade packages of the year for most of the teams and we could see some subtle changes to the pecking order. Or Sebastian Vettel could just zoom off into the distance. Dear god, please no.


2. Ferrari’s performance – This is a HUGELY important race for Alonso even aside from the fact it is his Home Race. In order to get his title challenge back on track, he needs to start gobbling into the ominously large lead of Vettel before its too late.


3. Lotus – Will Kimi continue where he left off before the 3 week break? He is looking like the dark horse in this year’s title challenge but will everyone else’s upgrades cancel out Lotus’ performance edge? Losing your technical director is not a good start.


4. McLaren – Will they emerge as a force this season after a raft of upgrades? My guess is no but we shall see.


5. Mercedes – After a surprisingly good start, they have announced their intention to deploy half their workforce to work on the 2014 car. Is this the point where the season starts falling off a cliff. Much like last year really.


6. Tyres – There will only be hard and medium tyre options in Spain and Pirelli have modified the hards to bring them close to the 2012 model.  Potentially bad news for Lotus (hopefully the husband has stopped reading by now).

The last twelve races in Spain have been won from pole which tells you that these races aren’t usually the Stuff of Legend. But it always feels good to be in Barcelona (even if I’m living the dream only vicariously from deepest, darkest Kent) as it means we’re back in Europe at historic tracks with races at sensible times.

The F1 season is really about to ignite. Hold on for the ride.

Gorgeous Barcelona!