Canadian GP - The Race

Guess who?

#MartinsGridWalk

As good a place as any to start. The one downside about having an evening race is that the build-up is slap bang in the middle of the Witching Hour when the kids are totally feral and the two year old has passed the Point of No Return. But the build-up will be sifted through at a later date for any glorious nuggets. The only bit I spotted from a distance was an interview with Christian Horner. Definitely, definitely not in the golden nugget category.

So over to Martin Brundle. Canada is an old school, super narrow grid. I love the way he sets the scene and gives the viewers at home a flavour of the atmosphere at each track. Whatever Sky pay him it probably isn't enough!

Jean-Eric Vergne wasn’t talking today. So Martin interviewed Michael Fassbender which was a far better outcome all round. Michael F is a fan of Vettel but thought Lewis was one to watch with his excellent record at Montreal. Anyone who says ‘this is the only sport’ is a supremely worthy Random Celebrity at a Race.

Michael Fassbender. We like.

Attempt two to speak to a driver in the unpredictable form of Adrian Sutil. He too was looking forward to the race and in clear conditions (we know…boo). Next up Nico Hulkenberg who was starting in P9 ahead of some ‘fast packages’. The Hulk also was looking forward to the race. No really? I would love a driver to say ‘you know what, I really hate driving here’. Is there any point interviewing drivers who are (understandably) going to chuck out a few soundbites just to get rid of Martin, Tanja & co before they focus on the important matter at hand of racing very fast for two hours.

Bernie was chatting to the Crown Prince of Bahrain. No doubt finessing the details (how many 0000s do you want, Mr Ecclestone?) of the appalling decision to make the Bahrain GP the first race of the 2014 season. The usual interview with Mark Webber mainly about the Isle of Man TT as it turned out. Focus Mark focus. Martin then asked Jackie Stewart if he thought his man could come through. Who is his man?! I was a tad confused given the many several thousand regenerations of Stewart GP and JYS's propensity to support Scottish drivers. Apparently it was Raikkonen. Fair do's.

JYS back in the Lotus days

Martin had a quick chat with Bottas’ engineer who is the purest example of a petrolhead (basically heavy metal cool-hand-luke rocker in overalls) you could ever imagine. Seems mildly affronted when Martin asked about there being a lot of pressure being up near the front. Martin said he meant for Bottas! Cool Hand Luke was having none of it. As they say that didn’t go very well.

I don’t normally comment on national anthems but its not every day you see a grand piano out on track. A bit surreal. Still beats the ear-drum shattering operatic murdering of a national anthem that you get at most tracks. I might start a campaign for Daft Punk to do the anthem at the British Grand Prix. Surely Bernie can make this happen – he can just buy Daft Punk or their record label. But no, we'll probably have Katherine Jenkins assaulting our senses and ears instead.

Campaign starts here for Daft Punk to do the anthem

Five red lights and its Go Go Go! Great start by Vettel but Poor Bottas (as he shall henceforth be known) dropped a couple of places almost instantly as Rosberg and Webber put the frighteners on him knowing he would definitely yield to avoid crashing out. Next in the queue to leapfrog Poor Bottas was Alonso. And all this before DRS was even enabled. Valtteri, welcome to Nico Rosberg’s world where qualifying is as good as it gets (Monaco aside!).

Lap 3 and Vettel already had a 3 second lead. Portents of doom all round.

Time for a barrage of replays of the start from a billion different cockpits and meanwhile Massa was moving up through the field from the back and Grosjean was spectacularly failing to do the same. From nowhere Sutil executed a perfect 180% spin and incredibly he didn’t take anyone out and no one hit him. And then we had a coming together between Maldonado and Di Resta. Bad Driver Maldonado was in the house. Hope Claire Williams was mainlining gin – this race wasn’t going according to the script for Williams. Again.

Claire Williams - will she be able to turn things around? I really hope so.

Kimi and Ricciardo were madly scrapping for 8^th. And then we heard that Kimi had a problem with his car which might be the same problem he had in China or the same problem he had in the previous race. Oh great. And Massa was now into the top ten. Go Felipe baby.

There was a frission of Huge Excitement as Vettel grazed the concrete wall. But alas in that teflon way he has, he was able to continue unscathed. Kimi finally got past Ricciardo and with Massa bearing hard down on him, the Toro Rosso did the sensible thing and pitted. Now Alonso was hunting down Webber and I’m sure Webber was going to strain every sinew in his body to ride shot-gun for his team-mate? Oh yeah that’s right. They hate each other.

On lap 14, the first round of pitstops all started with Webber, Perez, Rosberg and Poor Bottas (and in the case of Bottas simply just to stop being overtaken for 10 seconds!). Lewis Hamilton meanwhile was still out and was told to PUSH. This was, as the commentators advised in serious tones, A Critical Phase of the Race. Into the pits came our race leader, Vettel followed by Alonso. And Hamilton was STILL out burning rubber as if his life depended on it.

Hamilton - right strategy. Wrong car.

Poor Bottas was told to make his tyres last for 25 laps. Good luck with that. Poor old sod, he was slow enough already without being told to preserve his tyres. Finally Lewis pitted on lap 19 for a set of mediums and where did he emerge? Back out in second place some 10 seconds behind Vettel. I might have been getting the teensiest bit bored now and thank god at least for Felipe Massa who was scything through the field in the manner of Ayrton Senna. What they really should have done was to put a red button cam on Massa just so we could follow his race.

Kimi was well off the pace. Boo schmoo. He was told to do what he could to save fuel without losing performance. Like that’s an easy give. He pitted on lap 23 and there was a problem with the right rear. This race was proving to be a total freaking disaster for Kimi and manna from heaven for Vettel.

Coming soon. A Lotus Pitstop Disastometer.

Massa and Sutil were having the most amazing duel out there and Sutil was driving amazingly well to keep the much faster Ferrari behind him. Poor old Jenson Button (remember him?) was going very slowly. I mean more slowly than the admittedly clapped out tractor standards of the MP4-28. To put things into context, he was passed by Poor Bottas, a move which must have surprised them both.

Vettel Borefest Update: Seb was continuing to set a string of fastest laps.

There was an intriguing battle for 3^rd developing between Rosberg, Webber and Alonso. On Lap 31, Webber got past Rosberg with Alonso hot on his heels. Missing Monaco already, Nico? Most depressingly, Kimi was scrapping for 12^th with Poor Bottas. This was not what either of them wanted or hoped for. Still could be worse. They could have been Jenson Button.

And at the halfway point the top order was: 1. Vettel 2. Hamilton. 3. Webber 4. Alonso and 5. Rosberg.

I then [fast-forwarded] [drifted off] [watched paint dry] for a few laps until…we had an Incident. Joy of Joys! Van Der Garde shoved his car into Mark Webber just after being lapped trashing poor old Mark’s front wing into the process. This kind of thing never ever ever happens to Seb (remembers bitterly his mahoosive spin in Interlagos where he miraculously still went on to win the title). So onto the naughty step went Van Der Garde who got a 10 second stop/go penalty.

The official FIA symbol for the naughty step*
*this might not be true

The battle for 3^rd place was still raging on between Webber and Alonso. Finally on lap 42, Alonso passed Webber. Now if some freak thunderbolt (you used to be able to rely on Canada!) could only hit Vettel’s car it would be Game On in the championship. But no such freaking luck.

Grosjean pitted on lap 44 leaving Di Resta as the only non-stopper out on track. <Grits teeth> This was a very good drive by Paul. See there I did it!

Vettel Borefest Update: Seb was continuing to set a string of fastest laps while simultaneously reading the collected works of Nietzsche in the cockpit.

Every car should own one.

Overheard on the radio to Perez ‘Jenson is the car behind and we are racing Jenson’. Fasten your seatbelts dudes and dudettes, battle was commencing. Although in all fairness it was only between two McLarens. Hardly Senna and Prost territory. Poor Bottas was now 15^th – how utterly tragic for him and Williams. We then had the familiar sight of Van Der Garde with a damaged car limping around the track. And we had our first retirement of the race…on lap 48 which really said everything.

Vettel Borefest Update: He pitted again, enjoying a nice hog-roast before returning to lead the race.

What cars? I can't see any cars!

Lap 52 and Paul Di Resta STILL HADN’T PITTED. I bet the beleaguered Pirelli boss is loving this. You dissin’ my tyres? Are you? Are you? In my mind he has morphed a bit into Tony Soprano.

Paul Hembery - the head honcho at Pirelli having a good day at the office for once!

Vettel Borefest Update: He started doing some wild driving with jazz hands to make Christian Horner all panicked. Just for a laugh. Actually the wild driving really did happen.

Alonso was now doing fastest laps and the gap to Hamilton was down to 1.6 seconds with 14 laps to go. Its been said a million times but Alonso is a bloody phenomenal racing driver and the last driver on earth (Lewis pretty much said the same post-race) you would want breathing down your exhaust.

Paul Di Resta - the greatest advert for Pirelli!

And Di Resta finally pitted on lap 58. Wowsers.

Lewis’s engineers radioed him with some technical info (metrics blah something or other) to which Lewis said ‘just let me drive’. To be fair who needs to hear lots of boring data during a race that is boring enough already and you’ve got Fernando Alonso swarming all over the back of you. With eight laps to go, Lewis and Alonso almost touched wheels as Alonso put a sensational move to take 2^nd place.

Alonso closing in on Hamilton.

Next on the naughty step was Sutil who got a drive through for ignoring blue flags. Gutierrez also went out. There are no further details. On the final lap, Massa squeezed past Raikkonen to snatch 8^th place.

Really is that how you say 36 points in Latvian?

Vettel Borefest Update: He was amusing himself in the cockpit by trying out ‘36 point lead’ in a number of languages as he cruised to the finish line. Finally he won the Canadian Grand Prix by a crushing 15 seconds. Well that was a whole load of fun.

Here are the results from the Canadian Grand Prix 2013:

1. Vettel – Led from start to finish. I don’t know how that sentence could be any more harrowing. But a superb drive and he handled the moronic and unwarranted booing with great dignity on the podium.


2. Alonso – A superlative drive. Will those 18 points be pivotal? Lets bloody hope so.


3. Hamilton – Another fine podium for Hamilton and the Silver Arrows.


4. Webber – Not bad. Not amazingly good either.


5. Rosberg – Two Mercedes in the top six. Who’dya thunk it. Certainly not Michael Schumacher this time last year. Life is cruel.


6. Vergne – A fabulous result! Clearly the key is not speaking to Martin Brundle and staying focused. Only joking Martin.

Well that was a real blandathon of a race especially after talking up the unpredictable brilliance of Canada in hysterical fashion. Admittedly there were some stand-out drives – in addition to the above, Di Resta and Massa had superb races to finish 7^th and 8^th. See I did it again!

Next up the British Grand Prix!

And so onto the annual mudbath of the BRITISH GRAND PRIX. Fittingly, the first F1 race in our new house and miracle of miracles, we haven’t managed to double or triple book something for the same weekend unlike the past 75 British Grand Prix races. After a textbook Monaco race (ie. processional with a random bit of madness) and a lacklustre race in Canada, lets hope Silverstone rocks everyone’s world.

Korean GP - The Race

Hallelujah! The chequered flag!

Writes title of race. Passes out with boredom.

Right, I have now returned with a double expresso and two fondant fancies from the Mr Kipling box I accidentally bought this morning. The Great British Bake Off Final – this is ALL your fault! And seriously…who knew that fondant fancies were The Hardest Thing to make on the planet. Obviously I have never tried but if the fantastically talented John, James and Brendan struggled, what hope is there for the rest of us! Actually there was only ever a Big Fat Zero of hope for me in the first place. So I feel respect is due to Mr Kipling although I suspect the fragrant Mary and the delectable Paul (yeh, we’re on first name terms now) might not agree with me.

Never ever ever attempt to make these at home. 

It would be so much more fun (for me anyway!) to blog about the glorious Great British Bake Off Final but with a super-human effort I shall haul myself back to the sensational and thrilling race at the Korea International Circuit in Yeongam. Hash irony etc.

After the 100% positive feedback that I received for my last race blog – ie. the one person surveyed, the husband, said he liked its short and punchy style (emphasis on short I feel but I’ll take whatever positives I can), I have decided to adopt a similar approach for this blog. Also I cannot face having to relive the whole race in its entirely. It might result in me eating the rest of the fondant fancies and overdosing on coffee. And frankly, that dullfest of a race doesn’t deserve ‘epic’ blog treatment and nor, lovely readers, do you!

So without further ado, to recap, the top ten qualifiers were:

1. Webber        2. Vettel

3. Hamilton      4. Alonso

5. Raikkonen    6. Massa

7. Grosjean      8. Hulkenberg

9. Rosberg       10. Schumacher

So what went down in South Korea (aside from some not-at-all predictable ‘hilarious’ gangnam style rap dancing – see later):

1.     Vettel took the lead on turn 1 on the first lap and stayed in the lead for all 55 laps for another mindnumbingly boring crushing victory. He has now won THREE races in a row. He is now level with Jim Clark and Niki Lauda with 25 career victories in the all-time list. But most importantly what this now means is Another Potential Turning Point in the Title Race in that Vettel has now overtaken Alonso in the Championship race and leads him by 6 points. On the one hand, I really want the title race to go down to the wire but on the other hand, I fear that Vettel has the momentum, the car and that Ferrari, even with the utterly brilliant Alonso inside, just can’t keep up. Damn and blast. F1’s Evil Genius, Adrian Newey (was he the Dark Lord in an earlier blog or was that Ron Dennis?) has clearly been hard at work.

One of the all-time greats, Jim Clark

2.   The podium line-up was completed by Webber in 2^nd and Alonso in 3^rd. I was amused to see Vettel’s comment that Mark was always on his toes. As. If. Sebastian. Will be VERY interested to see how team orders are carried out at Red Bull (that most sanctimonious of teams when it comes to opining on team orders) as and when the need arises. Its safe to say that Alonso gets the maximum possible out of that Ferrari although their 3^rd/4^th finish at the South Korean GP mean that they leapfrog McLaren into second place in the Constructors’ Championship. Quite stunning for a car that resembled a tractor in the opening few races and where one half of the driver line-up is Felipe Massa. Cruel I know.

3.     McLaren’s abysmal weekend: part 1. The Hero of Suzuka, Kobayashi crashed into Button and Rosberg at the start who were having a good old drag race when Kamui kamikaze’d (sorry, couldn’t resist) into them both, trashing Jenson’s suspension and indeed his race. I bet Grosjean and Maldonaldo were thinking ‘yeeeeees, it’s someone else’s turn for driver hate today’. It was a suicidal move – there have always been risky, aggressive drivers in F1 but this season, there do seem to have been a LOT of driver errors and First Lap Incidents. You wonder if the comparative safety levels now in Formula 1 have made some of the younger drivers feel they are almost untouchable. Dangerous mentality if that is the case.

Yet another First Lap Incident

4.     McLaren’s abysmal weekend: part 2. From 3^rd on the grid, Lewis Hamilton could only finish in 10^th place. Early on in the race, his car suffered a rear anti-roll bar failure which meant his tyres were chewed up and fried at a vastly accelerated rate. I thought Martin Whitmarsh showed real class in hailing Lewis’s drive as heroic. I imagine Ron Dennis is probably still chucking darts in a frenzied rage at his Lewis Hamilton dartboard on his Death Star. Lewis was the only driver to make 3 pitstops and he still finished 10^th despite driving with a load of grass sticking out of his car for the final few laps. So credit where its due to Lewis Hamilton or Lewis the Bull as the 5 year old now refers to him. Nope, me neither! He also came up with Jenson the Button and Michael the Shoe. He was enormously pleased with himself. Bless.

Kimi: too cool for F1 and life generally

5.    And what of the 3^rd placed man in the Championship. Mr Kimi-Matias Räikkönen! He finished in 5^th place. What a fantastic season he is having! I would love, love, love to see him in a Ferrari again (his spiritual home, surely!?) or a McLaren or heck even just a Race Winning Lotus. I most of all want to see Kimi driving an Adrian Newey designed car. Please, Bernie, make it happen! But if Kimi ever gets bored of racing, an illustrious career in acting could await. This hot-off-the-press video clip is pure GENIUS.

How we got Kimi Raikkonen...

6.    Presumably someone at Lotus has ‘had a word’ with Grosjean as he had an exceptionally quiet race. Just kept his head down, had a clean race and finished 7^th.  Good day in the office for the Hulk who finished in a well-deserved 6^th place after he executed a beautifully judged move on Grosjean and Hamilton near the end.

7.      And South Korea was a happy points hunting ground for Toro Rosso who finished in 8^th and 9^th respectively. And yet again, Mercedes were nowhere to be seen (even in and around the distinctly average middle-pack of cars). Rosberg’s race was terminated through no fault of his own and Schumacher finished 13^th after being literally passed by the world and its dog. I might need some hypnosis after this season is over to block out any memory of Schuey in a Mercedes.

Jean-Eric and Daniel just shooting the breeze

8.    My new bookmarked port of call for all Narain news is the The Times of India website as he barely gets a mention elsewhere. But even on there, all there is to report really is that he finished 20^th. In last place. Still next up, India. No pressure mate!

9.     Did anyone else wonder why the Beeb picked South Korea as a ‘live’ race? Clearly the opportunity to meet the legendary Psy was just too irresistible for Jake, Eddie and DC. For those of a weak disposition, LOOK AWAY NOW! Here are the boys in action – do not say you weren’t warned (I called this back in Suzuka!!).

10.  Johnny Herbert did the podium interviews! Why? Does anyone know? Psy so should have done the interviews and made the drivers do a gangnam dance. Just to wake us all up if nothing else!

So that pretty much wraps up South Korea. Thank the Lord. Just time for a quick update on driver news for 2013:

Massa has signed a one year deal at Ferrari. His EIGHTH season at Ferrari. Who’d have thought hey? Certainly not 99% of F1 fans. Just as we were all getting excited about the significance of a ONE year deal as being code for ‘Vettel moving to Ferrari in 2014’, that old kill-joy Luca di Montezemolo said he doesn’t want ‘too many roosters in the same henhouse’ at Ferrari. It would be carnage, pistols at dawn etc. Luca, you are no fun.

Maranello in 2014?

Its looking very likely that the Hulk will be on his way to Sauber next season and possibly will be partnered by Esteban Gutiérrez (what an awesome name – he sounds like a Mexican drug-dealer!). This sort of means Kamui is out on his ear and that Di Resta might be staying at Force India after all. Poor Paul, he’s probably still in denial waiting for the call from Maranello. Maybe in 2014?! Snigger.

And so just 4 races to go. Definitely getting into Squeaky Bum Territory. Next stop is India which for some inexplicable reason is a country the 5 year old has a strange affinity with so he is very excited! I just looked up who won the inaugural race there last year who shall remain Nameless. Clue: he is German and wins a lot and isn't Michael Schumacher. Obviously. Lets hope Grosjean qualifies high up the grid and causes some mayhem for all our sakes!

Mugello, Concorde and Gilles

Gilles Villeneuve at Imola
(Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

I’m starting to have withdrawal symptoms now (although not actually sure whether they are from watching F1 or blogging). Its all very well for drivers to have these random breaks for testing (take note: McLaren), tweeting about bad hair days (Alonso…yes really), slagging off Pirelli tyres (hooray for Schumacher having a rant and saying what everyone else is thinking…), but when it just constantly, incessantly rains every single weekend, what the heck are we supposed to do with NO GRAND PRIX to watch. There are only so many Bluewater trips that the husband can stomach (normally just one a quarter) and trips out in the pouring rain to mud-splattered country pubs that one can take. Both my children hate the cold and rain – 4 year old constantly talks of emigrating to South Africa – so they pretty much start crying the minute we leave the house. You get the picture and it’s a grim one.

Anyway next weekend it is the Spanish Grand Prix when it won’t matter (ish) if it is raining – so no doubt there will be a mini heatwave, frenzied panic-buying of charcoal, burgers and chicken drumsticks up and down the country, 4 mile queues stretching out of Homebase, the Daily Mail will run pictures of sunbathing lovelies in Hyde Park alongside a shot of a rainy beach in Costa del Chav… Ooops sorry I got carried away there dreaming of the arrival of The Great British Summer (who came up with that moniker – some sadist?!). But I am just So Over This Weather and desperate for some freaking sun.

So what’s been occurring in the world of F1?

Tuscany - a nice spot for a Grand Prix (hint: Mugello circuit)

Lots of teams rocked up at Mugello to do some testing – except for Jenson Button or Lewis Hamilton who didn’t bother to turn up. Kind of weird given these are the first in-season tests in Formula One in four years. If Ron Dennis had still been in charge, he would surely have driven Jenson and Lewis there himself (using brute force if necessary). Overall fastest was Grosjean showing once again that the Lotus really is a force to be reckoned with. Ferrari have been beavering away on the development front and have introduced a few bits and bobs – as well they might given that the F2012 is a pile of crud (although less so when it has a driver inside as brilliant as Alonso). No doubt the husband will be excitedly pausing and rewinding Ant Davidson’s techy bit next weekend to analyse the F2012’s heavily-revised rear bodywork and exhaust exits – oh lucky me. Basically its all to do with aerodynamics. Isn’t it always.

Its been a busy few weeks for Bernie Ecclestone. You might think given his advancing years, the hiatus between races would give him the chance to sit back in his Parker Knoll recliner and catch up on Countdown. But no. Bernie at the sprightly age of 81 has just announced his engagement to his 36 year old Brazilian lawyer girlfriend or as Hello Magazine describes her – “Bernie Ecclestone’s ‘enchanting’ bride-to-be Fabiana Flosi.” Being coincidentally 36 (for only a few more days – huge reminder here in Neon Lights to the husband) and also a lawyer, it is a little spooky. Bernie’s first wife (who he married in 1950!!) was called Ivy. Whatever became of poor Ivy I wonder?

The real Concorde

Also Bernie has been pressing ahead with his plans to float Formula 1 on the Singapore Stock Exchange. That will be one mammoth prospectus to proof-read by some poor schmuck trainee solicitors (yes, I speak from experience). Bernie isn’t the type of client who would tolerate a typo. Interestingly, F1’s biggest cost is prize money which is steadily increasing. Prize money payments are set out in the good old Concorde Agreement (the renegotiation of which gives rise to the F1 equivalent of trench warfare once every decade before Bernie manages to bludgeonbend everyone to his will). The current one expires at the end of 2012 and so far Bernie has agreed terms with most of the teams in the paddock. Three teams (Ferrari, McLaren and Red Bull) will receive seats on the board of F1 as part of the new Concorde Agreement. Only the three new teams (who will presumably just get the agreement faxed through to sign by return) and Mercedes are yet to sign anything. This may be a wild stab in the dark but it might be something to do with money <goes off to google more details>

Apparently teams who haven’t changed their name since 2000 and have won constructors/back-to-back championships will get lots more dosh. Oooops, poor old Mercedes who since 2000 have been Brawn GP, who were formerly Honda Racing, who were formerly BAR Honda…you are basically stuffed. The Silver Arrows (try telling Mercedes they have no history), who quite happily allowed speculation to build up that they might quit F1, have today played it down. Good old F1 politics hey. And while we’re at it, why is Red Bull any more deserving of a place on the hallowed F1 board than Williams (or even Lotus). Basically Red Bull is just a sponsored team with an added dollop of genius from the Master of the Dark Arts aka Adrian Newey. Still clearly recent wins + pots of cash trumps history every time. Boo.

At the Circuit Gilles Villenueve in Canada on the start-finish line

Finally, today marks the 30^th anniversary of the death of the legendary Gilles Villeneuve. He never won a F1 title but sometimes history goes beyond numbers. In just four years of racing at the top level, he lit up the F1 firmament with his incredible natural talent and cavalier driving. Adored by the Tifosi, he was given the fab-u-lous nick name of the “High Priest of Destruction” by none other than Enzo Ferrari himself. But lets face if you were Enzo Ferrari, you could call anyone what the hell you wanted!

Without doubt, the 1981 Spanish Grand Prix in Jarama was Villeneuve’s finest victory. A truly stunning win. Driving a cart-like Ferrari (sound familiar?), he held off a convoy of much, much faster cars for 67 gruelling laps. Just 1.24 seconds covered the top five cars at the chequered flag, led by Villeneuve. Here is a link to highlights from that race – sit back and enjoy (in your Parker Knoll or chair of preference!).


http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/motorsport/formula_one/8034743.stm   

PS. The commentary is almost as awesome as the race!

                                                                                  

Mugello, Concorde and Gilles

Gilles Villeneuve at Imola
(Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

I’m starting to have withdrawal symptoms now (although not actually sure whether they are from watching F1 or blogging). Its all very well for drivers to have these random breaks for testing (take note: McLaren), tweeting about bad hair days (Alonso…yes really), slagging off Pirelli tyres (hooray for Schumacher having a rant and saying what everyone else is thinking…), but when it just constantly, incessantly rains every single weekend, what the heck are we supposed to do with NO GRAND PRIX to watch. There are only so many Bluewater trips that the husband can stomach (normally just one a quarter) and trips out in the pouring rain to mud-splattered country pubs that one can take. Both my children hate the cold and rain – 4 year old constantly talks of emigrating to South Africa – so they pretty much start crying the minute we leave the house. You get the picture and it’s a grim one.

Anyway next weekend it is the Spanish Grand Prix when it won’t matter (ish) if it is raining – so no doubt there will be a mini heatwave, frenzied panic-buying of charcoal, burgers and chicken drumsticks up and down the country, 4 mile queues stretching out of Homebase, the Daily Mail will run pictures of sunbathing lovelies in Hyde Park alongside a shot of a rainy beach in Costa del Chav… Ooops sorry I got carried away there dreaming of the arrival of The Great British Summer (who came up with that moniker – some sadist?!). But I am just So Over This Weather and desperate for some freaking sun.

So what’s been occurring in the world of F1?

Tuscany - a nice spot for a Grand Prix (hint: Mugello circuit)

Lots of teams rocked up at Mugello to do some testing – except for Jenson Button or Lewis Hamilton who didn’t bother to turn up. Kind of weird given these are the first in-season tests in Formula One in four years. If Ron Dennis had still been in charge, he would surely have driven Jenson and Lewis there himself (using brute force if necessary). Overall fastest was Grosjean showing once again that the Lotus really is a force to be reckoned with. Ferrari have been beavering away on the development front and have introduced a few bits and bobs – as well they might given that the F2012 is a pile of crud (although less so when it has a driver inside as brilliant as Alonso). No doubt the husband will be excitedly pausing and rewinding Ant Davidson’s techy bit next weekend to analyse the F2012’s heavily-revised rear bodywork and exhaust exits – oh lucky me. Basically its all to do with aerodynamics. Isn’t it always.

Its been a busy few weeks for Bernie Ecclestone. You might think given his advancing years, the hiatus between races would give him the chance to sit back in his Parker Knoll recliner and catch up on Countdown. But no. Bernie at the sprightly age of 81 has just announced his engagement to his 36 year old Brazilian lawyer girlfriend or as Hello Magazine describes her – “Bernie Ecclestone’s ‘enchanting’ bride-to-be Fabiana Flosi.” Being coincidentally 36 (for only a few more days – huge reminder here in Neon Lights to the husband) and also a lawyer, it is a little spooky. Bernie’s first wife (who he married in 1950!!) was called Ivy. Whatever became of poor Ivy I wonder?

The real Concorde

Also Bernie has been pressing ahead with his plans to float Formula 1 on the Singapore Stock Exchange. That will be one mammoth prospectus to proof-read by some poor schmuck trainee solicitors (yes, I speak from experience). Bernie isn’t the type of client who would tolerate a typo. Interestingly, F1’s biggest cost is prize money which is steadily increasing. Prize money payments are set out in the good old Concorde Agreement (the renegotiation of which gives rise to the F1 equivalent of trench warfare once every decade before Bernie manages to bludgeon bend everyone to his will). The current one expires at the end of 2012 and so far Bernie has agreed terms with most of the teams in the paddock. Three teams (Ferrari, McLaren and Red Bull) will receive seats on the board of F1 as part of the new Concorde Agreement. Only the three new teams (who will presumably just get the agreement faxed through to sign by return) and Mercedes are yet to sign anything. This may be a wild stab in the dark but it might be something to do with money <goes off to google more details>

Apparently teams who haven’t changed their name since 2000 and have won constructors/back-to-back championships will get lots more dosh. Oooops, poor old Mercedes who since 2000 have been Brawn GP, who were formerly Honda Racing, who were formerly BAR Honda…you are basically stuffed. The Silver Arrows (try telling Mercedes they have no history), who quite happily allowed speculation to build up that they might quit F1, have today played it down. Good old F1 politics hey. And while we’re at it, why is Red Bull any more deserving of a place on the hallowed F1 board than Williams (or even Lotus). Basically Red Bull is just a sponsored team with an added dollop of genius from the Master of the Dark Arts aka Adrian Newey. Still clearly recent wins + pots of cash trumps history every time. Boo.

At the Circuit Gilles Villenueve in Canada on the start-finish line

Finally, today marks the 30^th anniversary of the death of the legendary Gilles Villeneuve. He never won a F1 title but sometimes history goes beyond numbers. In just four years of racing at the top level, he lit up the F1 firmament with his incredible natural talent and cavalier driving. Adored by the Tifosi, he was given the fab-u-lous nick name of the “High Priest of Destruction” by none other than Enzo Ferrari himself. But lets face if you were Enzo Ferrari, you could call anyone what the hell you wanted!

Without doubt, the 1981 Spanish Grand Prix in Jarama was Villeneuve’s finest victory. A truly stunning win. Driving a cart-like Ferrari (sound familiar?), he held off a convoy of much, much faster cars for 67 gruelling laps. Just 1.24 seconds covered the top five cars at the chequered flag, led by Villeneuve. Here is a link to highlights from that race – sit back and enjoy (in your Parker Knoll or chair of preference!).


http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/motorsport/formula_one/8034743.stm   

PS. The commentary is almost as awesome as the race!