Australian Grand Prix – The Race

The class of 2014

Its stupid o’clock. 5am to be precise. I must be clinically insane. Even the 3 year is still asleep. I am also feeling the teensiest bit jaded but with all that dewy bright-eyed first race enthusiasm I have managed to haul myself out of bed in time for the start of the Australian Grand Prix. I might not achieve anything else today but I have managed to do this.

6am on Sunday morning

How fitting that the Sky team opened the show with a dignified and heartfelt mention of Michael Schumacher still fighting for his life 11 weeks after his horrific accident. In Melbourne, the teams have apparently decided not to discuss Schumacher's condition publicly out of respect for him and his family but many of the F1 teams have held tributes, including his former Mercedes and Ferrari teams. Mercedes has the #KeepFightingMichael banner on its cars, as does Ferrari with #ForzaMichael. It is all so desperately sad and I pray every day that he turns the corner and there will be some positive news.

#KeepFightingMichael

I wasn’t sure how I felt about the new F1 season starting with the events of the winter but now it is here I am glad. I think a lot of F1 fans need the excitement of a brand new chapter in F1 to focus on. One of my favourite Sky features from last season is the Damon Hill and Johnny Herbert ‘behind the scenes’ at different tracks. It shouldn’t work but it totally does as you can tell they get on brilliantly and perfectly complement each other. Today Damon and Johnny are catching up with Alan Jones and we discover there is a real-life ‘Alan Jones Boulevard’ in the Melbourne paddock. I love the choice of the word ‘boulevard’ as if Alan Jones was a highbrow Alain Prost kind of figure when he is possibly The Most Australian Person on the Planet. I loved his no nonsense assessment of Daniel Ricciardo “he’s got that lovely smile but grows horns at the right time”. Please let him be doing the after-race interviews.

Alan Jones winning Williams' first world championship in 1980

Suddenly its time for the very first #MartinsGridWalk of the season! I might have missed a bit of the build-up there due to extreme sleep deprivation and the arrival downstairs of the 3 year old. I’ve just noticed though lots of people on the grid are wearing little pink shirt badges in memory of Jenson Button’s father. How lovely.

For old times

There are NO cars at the front of the grid yet. But we have Sir Jackie Stewart who will never turn down an interview. JYS likes this new F1 and finds the new sound is more comfortable on his ears. Bless. And its our First Random Celebrity at a Race of the season – its Miss Dannii Minogue. Told you! Although she is a big Jenson fan (is she?), she is obviously supporting Daniel Ricciardo and says the pressure is on Lewis and would like some rain to spice things up. Does anyone else remember when she was engaged to Jacques Villeneuve? Blimey she dodged a bullet there.

Apparently Kevin Magnussen doesn’t want to talk on the grid this year. Hmmm methinks Ron Dennis might have had a word in the producer’s shell-like to ensure the full media spotlight isn’t thrust on his young driver. Talking of media spotlights, there is predictably a huge media scrum around Daniel Ricciardo while he tries to have some really important conversation with his engineers. He said the practice starts have been ok but everyone is a bit up and down with starts.

We get an ‘time filler’ close up of the hideously ugly Ferrari of Alonso then the two Toro Rosso’s that qualified so well. Apparently the last teenager before Kvyat to qualify in the top 10 was Sebastian Vettel.  Well who knew? Though we probably could have guessed. After a chat with Eric Bouillier that I instantly forgot, Martin found the ever affable and loquacious Christian Horner. Apparently Seb has had some software issues but at the moment it is okay. Portent of Doom Alert.

Remember Martin Whitmarsh? Nope, didn't think so

Darth Vader aka Ron Dennis has been spotted but will he grant an audience?! Reluctantly yes. He thinks fuel consumption, tyre degradation and reliability will be an issue. So not much then. The biggest challenge will be juggling fuel consumption – if you drop off the pace too much to save on fuel then you start to lose temperature in the tyres. He thinks its going to be a good season but fans shouldn’t judge things on one race and said menacingly that qualifying was after all exciting. Ron, we wouldn’t dare argue. Loved Damon’s comments afterwards on Ron that “he was looking imperious and giving Brundle the full sneer!” Couldn’t have put it better myself. Not that he was shaking in his boots or anything but still it’s the most nervous I have ever seen Brundle.

Final word is with Nico Hulkenberg. He is pretty confident but mused how confident can you be in the first race of the season. Then Martin left him in peace to eat his banana.

Its time to get this F1 season underway. Five lights and (you couldn’t make it up) its an aborted start. You are freaking kidding me. There is another broken down Marussia, that of Jules Bianchi (to join the other broken down Marussia of Max Chilton on the formation lap). Still its not like they are on limited fuel or anything. Oh.

Well here we go again. And its Go! Go! Go! at the Australian Grand Prix. And Rosberg makes a stunning start from third to leapfrog Hamilton and Ricciardo to take the lead. Meanwhile Massa’s Williams has crashed out after Kobayashi in the Caterham basically slid in him. I seem to remember we have been here before with Kobayashi. Just gutted for Massa.

First lap carnage thanks to Kobayashi

And Kevin Magnussen (who I have discovered is the son of Jan Magnussen who I remember racing in F1 not that long ago – weeps at advancing age) just gobbles up Lewis Hamilton to move into 3^rd place. And is that a Force India mixing it with the big boys? Of course its Hulkenberg who is now in 4^th place. 

Distressing news to report I know but Vettel appears to have a problem of sorts. Endless start replays show that he basically just went backwards. Curiouser and curiouser. Now Lewis has been ordered to retire to save the engine and then moments later is told to stay out. Its lap 2 and my brain is fried. Oh dear now Hamilton is coming in to retire. He is reporting no power and has a problem with the gearbox. What a crushing disappointment that will be.

No one else appears to have noticed that Kimi (who qualifed in 11^th place) is now up in 6^th place. How did that happen? And how much am I enjoying seeing the Williams easily overtaking cars (even before DRS is even enabled) and seeing the new kids on the block driving out there without fear and with total confidence. I think this season will mark a changing of the guard…

Bottas driving for Williams 

And now the reigning world champion (it feels like since forever) Sebastian Vettel is out after some very narked exchanges with his mechanics snapping “that’s ridiculous” when told his KERS wasn’t working properly. Not that the Red Bull is actually looking all that shabby this season (funny that) but Vettel is a right stroppy teenager when he’s up against it.

And just as we’re following Bottas, he clatters into the wall and ends up with a puncture. It did look he was driving too hard if such a thing is possible in F1. Probably a good thing I’m not a race engineer as I’d be berating the driver as opposed to the correct approach of the Williams engineer calmly asking him to box as if it was a scheduled pitstop.

Bottas’ small wall altercation gives us our first appearance of the Safety Car for the season (so another tick on the F1 Bingo sheet). Cue a multiple round of pitstops. The main loser turns out to be Kimi who lost quite a lot of time while the team brought in Alonso first. Welcome to life as a number two, Kimi. I know what Ferrari say but I don’t believe them. 

They might have matching sunglasses but we all know who is no.1 and who is no.2 

And now, as if there wasn’t enough drama with false starts, pole-sitter and world champion retirements and safety cars, there is light rain is falling on parts of the track. Although the Weather Monitor of Hope says it should miss most of the track. Really? I have to say that sky looks very dark and sinister.

On lap 16 the race re-starts properly. Again. So lets have a quick round up of the top order on lap 20:

1.    Nico Rosberg

2.    Ricciardo

3.    Magnussen

4.    Hulkenberg

5.    Alonso

6.    Button

By lap 32 (I may have nodded off) we have already had 15 retirements, the latest ones now being Ericsson and Maldonado. Meanwhile, Rosberg is beginning to open up an ominously massive gap at the front. Bottas has impressively fought his way through the field and is now gaining on Kimi in 8^th. And for all their much heralded shiteness, the two Lotus cars are somehow running 13^th and 14^th. Button pits on lap 33 and its possible that could be his last pitstop. He is running very nicely indeed. Bizarrely a bit of the giant anteater nose on his car falls off when its jacked up in the pits but no one seems too fussed.

Jenson Button in the new style McLaren (love the retro Mobil!)

It does seem very congested down in the pitlane. The cars have barely enough room to squeeze in and out of their areas. The husband informs me knowledgeably this is because of the power-train. Who am I to argue? Bottas takes full advantage of Kimi’s lock up to move into 7^th place. Kimi hasn’t been having the best of weekends has he? Alonso pits on lap 36 and nicely disposes of the Hulk who has the audacity to attempt a move past the Ferrari as it exits the pits.

But can I just mention along with the rest of the universe how stunningly well Kevin Magnussen is driving. Utterly flawless and totally composed in his first race in Formula 1. I think it might just have found its newest star.

Bloody hell its lap 45 already? This race has flown by. Just noticing that Ron Dennis who isn’t planning to attend any F1 races or play a hands on role is now in fact ON THE PIT WALL. 

With now only 7 laps to go, its 1. Rosberg, 2. Ricciardo, 4. Magnussen, 4. Button, 5. Alonso, 6. Bottas. I would SO love to see Button on the podium although the three drivers ahead of him have driven so wonderfully as well. Not the most impressive of starts for Ferrari. There wll be cataclysmic ruptions at Di Montezemolo Towers.

Ricciardo with rookie Kevin Magnussen in close pursuit

Magnussen is now breathing down Ricciardo’s exhaust. I have just noticed that the McLaren cars are sponsored by ASOS.com – how brilliant and very un-Formula 1. The husband of course has no idea what ASOS is but says he keeps seeing emails from them <changes subject quickly>

I love the way that even though obviously Kevin is ridiculously fast his engineers keep reminding him what buttons to press. But still: amazing. And we are now in the closing stages of the race which to be honest (whisper it quietly) has been a little bit of a procession. And as the chequered flag falls the top 3 who have been in podium positions for nearly the whole race deservedly hang on to their prize. The local crowd go absolutely delirious to see their boy Ricciardo come home in 2^nd place!

Nico Rosberg wins the first race of the season

Here are the results from the Australian Grand Prix 2014:

1.    Rosberg – An imperious drive from start to finish.

2.    Ricciardo – *

3.    Magnussen – Absolutely sensational result on his Formula 1 debut.

4.    Button – Slightly gutted he missed out on a podium but still a great drive from 11^th on the grid.

5.    Alonso – I think overall he will be disappointed but points are points and Vettel and Hamilton got none.

6.    Bottas – Considering his early race incident, a great fightback!

7.    Hulkenberg – You know what he is always there or thereabouts whatever car you put him in.

8.    Vergne – A fine first outing of the season.

9.    Kvyat – The International Man of Mystery who became the youngest points scorer in F1 (beating you know who’s record).

10. Perez – I almost forgot he was still in F1!

*Ooops. I  feel like the Murray Walker kiss of death. After

a stewards inquiry that went on for several eternities, poor

Daniel Ricciardo got disqualified for exceeding the fuel

flow limit. Red Bull are now appealing the decision after branding

the FIA's fuel flow sensors as 'immature technology'. It has

emerged that Red Bull was warned about their fuel

flow levels during the race but chose to push on.

Red Bull - in the dock again

Right now the jury is out on whether we have a Brave New F1 World. After a lot of hysterical speculation that we would see engines conking out all over the place, we actually had a race that was dominated practically from start to finish by one driver. We still had Alonso being held up by Hulkenberg (à la 2013). It turns out that Red Bull isn’t as far off the pace as doomlord Christian Horner had us believe (although it remains to be seen how much advantage their illegal fuel flows gave them). 

But we also witnessed two hugely impressive debuts by Magnussen and Kvyat. And you have to hand it to Ron Dennis. He’s only been back two minutes and already McLaren are leading the Constructors Championship.

And just think in two weeks’ time we will be doing all this again! 

Australian Grand Prix – Qualifying

Well this is it!

Time for the drivers to drop their trousers and show us what they’ve got (in a manner of speaking). After weeks of smoke and mirrors, we are about to find out how the grid will line up for the very first race of the season.

Double shot Americano at the ready (it won’t be the last). I am going in.

Straight into a montage with lots of glorious old footage (it gets me every time) the essence of which is F1 used to be about inspiring and innovation and pioneers until it sacrificed excitement on the altar of speed. And it all became a procession (I’m sure we had processions back in the 80s but anyway). But now A New Era has dawned and F1 is saved (let's check the lie of the land at Silverstone shall we?)

The stage is set (with slightly less blue sky in reality)

There are some changes to the rules for qualifying. The sessions are now Q1 - 18 mins, Q2 - 15 mins and Q3 - 12 mins. Cars going out in Q3 have to start on the tyres they finished on in Q2. So cars will probably use the soft ‘faster’ tyre in Q2 if they think they’ll be in the top ten shoot-out. But if its doubtful that drivers would make the cut for Q3 why would they bother wasting a set of soft tyres when they would get a set of new options for the race.

This year we have 19 races but new in are Austria (yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssss – I used to absolutely adore the Austrian GP!) and Russia (that won’t be oligarch central much – Lenin will be spinning in his Bolshevik grave) in place of India and Korea. Thank the Lord those two races have been binned. They were the F1 equivalent of a brain-eating ameoba. The final race of the season in Abu Dhabi will be worth DOUBLE points. This could be a stroke of genius or spectacularly implode. On the face of it, I think it could actually work.*

*Edit: heavy sarcasm

The old A1 Ring, now known as the Red Bull Ring (still its a welcome return!)

Ah it’s Ted’s ‘F1 Aerodynamics Explained’ section. I would look over to the husband  but he is not even up yet. At 8am. The decadence of it all. Nice life if you can get it <gritted teeth emoticon at being up since 6am face>

We have a beachside interview with Simon Lazenby and Lewis Hamilton – the most interesting part being when Simon asked Lewis about the ‘wifey’ comment he made about Nicole ‘LOOK AT ME’ Scherzinger recently. Apparently wifey is a ‘young’ term. Really Lewis? Really? It is hard to cut it in the 'cool as' world of Lewis where anyone over 35 is probably seen as geriatric! I’m with Team Simon on this one. Yes how things change!

Pat Symonds now at Williams

...and a much younger Pat Symonds with Ross Brawn in their Benetton days!

Pat Symonds is back at Williams as Chief Technical Officer – and what a brilliant brilliant signing that is for them. Super experienced and a real heavyweight of F1. He makes a great interviewee as well – talks about things clearly and simply which is unusual sometimes in F1. Am so hopeful and excited for Williams this season. Also did I mention their cars are sporting a tribute to Ayrton Senna this year on the side of their nose which is a lovely gesture. Its 20 years this season since he was tragically killed at Imola. How can it really be 20 years already!?

Ayrton Senna Sempre

Another beachside interview and this time Natalie is chatting to Jenson Button and oh poor Jenson, he still seems so cut up about this Dad. Understandably of course and how hard it must be for him to be back at a Grand Prix venue without his Dad alongside him. I would dearly LOVE him to have a blinding race tomorrow!

It’s (finally!) time for qualifying at the 2014 Formula 1 Rolex Australian Grand Prix. And excitingly there is talk of cross-winds and tail-winds and that looks like an angry sky up there <Ticks off Weather Monitor of Doom on the F1 Bingo>

Q1 – The husband (who has finally made an appearance!) has commented on the different engine tone. Yes (I said) its like a raspy roar (totally stealing Johnny Herbert’s earlier line but he doesn’t know that is a stolen line because he was ASLEEP). I have just spotted Ron Dennis looking scarily happy (which I think might be scarier than his cross face) in the McLaren garage. This would be the same Ron Dennis who won’t be going to races this season and will take a very backseat role. Ron, no one was fooled! But it is of course brilliant to see him back where he belongs.

And with 7 minutes to go it has started to rain. Poor bloody Lotus – their car is a total dog, they have done sweet F.A. testing and now the weather gods are conspiring against them. Maldonado is checking out different gravel run-off areas and his team-mate’s response at being told to speed up is “I cannot”. It is now tippling down with 3 minutes to go so presumably that’s Q1 abruptly terminated.

Maldonado battling the elements but mainly the car during qualifying earlier today

The following drivers have ended up in the Dropzone of Doom: 17. Chilton, 18. Bianchi, 19. Gutierrez, 20. Ericsson, 21. Grosjean and Maldonado (who didn’t even set a time – what an abysmal weekend for Lotus so far).  

Last year's Australian GP winner. A lot has changed in 12 months.

The Sky team are currently taking shelter from the torrential rain in the Pirelli tent (actually its quite a posh tent with Mac computers and a fruit basket). Note to self – never ever book a holiday to Australia in March. Unless of course its to see the Australian Grand Prix when I’ll happily get rained on! And there are men with brooms on the track – we are already ticking off a lot of things on F1 Bingo.

Q2 – Currently now underway but am most obsessing about ‘KVY’ who is in 15^th. Who ARE you? Clearly I should have done a bit more pre-season blog prep. Okay a lot more! So with 5 minutes of Q2 to go, here is the current top half running order:

Hamilton

Ricciardo

Hulkenberg

Rosberg

Alonso

Bottas

Kimi

Button

But apparently it now going to get serious (because it wasn’t already?) as all the cars frantically change tyres. Well Johnny (or Damon or Martin) was right – Q2 is way more exciting than last year. Vettel is currently in the dropzone along with Kimi. And in the final minute, Kimi climbs into the top 10 as well as Hulk and…OMG…Kimi has spectacularly CRASHED his Ferrari into the wall.

Taxi for Kimi

Vettel is driving like a mad man out on track (as well he might currently languishing in 15^th place). Magnussen goes 5^th fastest but everyone’s eyes are on Vettel…he can only finish in 13^th place after a very wild lap (in tough conditions to be fair) and you can hear the huge cheers from the locals. Which of course means that home favourite Ricciardo (and who doesn’t love Daniel Ricciardo – he is a bit like a big teddy bear!) has out-qualified his illustrious team-mate in his first race! And International Man of Mystery ‘KVY’ has squeaked into 10^th place knocking Button down into the drop zone.

So dumped out of Q2 are: 11. Button, 12. Kimi, 13. Vettel, 14. Sutil, 15. Kobayashi, 16. Perez

Q3 – Well here we go. The Moment of Truth. Its still raining and all the cars are on wets except for Alonso (I think that’s the wrong call though Martin Brundle thinks inters could be ok and he’s the expert). Incredibly there are two Toro Rosso’s in the top ten. It really is an amazing start to F1 by Kvyat (or ‘Fiat’ as Crofty calls him). Five minutes to go and it’s a projected Mercedes 1-2 with Ricciardo in 3^rd.

The man behind the KVY moniker

And a random gravel diversion for Rosberg which destroys his lap. The cars are twitching and twisting wildly all over the track even on straight line sections. Massa comes perilously close to hitting a concrete wall. The Williams cars are currently in 8^th and 10^th spot which is not where they would have wanted or hoped to be. Hamilton grabs provisional pole as Alonso only crosses the line in 5^th. Then Nico Rosberg grabs pole back. Meanwhile more yellow flags as Kvyat crashes off. And deafening cheers as Ricciardo takes provisional pole (to deafening roars all round the track) but, at the death, party-pooper Lewis Hamilton RE-TAKES POLE. Absolutely sensational edge of seat stuff.

This is the man who put Red Bull on the front row of the grid tomorrow - ha!

So the top ten on the grid tomorrow will look like this:

1.     Hamilton

2.     Ricciardo

3.     Rosberg

4.     Magnussen (hugely impressive debut)

5.     Alonso

6.     Vergne

7.     Hulkenberg

8.     Kvyat (another great debut)

9.     Massa

10.  Button (as Bottas has a 5 place grid penalty for new gear box)

You know what, I think I’m going to like the 2014 season.